... till Sam and I get married.

And I write this with trepidation. Not because I'm getting cold feet, but because I'm visualising you reading this post on marriage and thinking, "Been there, done that, come join the Lonely Hearts Club when the sex runs dry!". Or you might be thinking, "Aargh, not another one to hit the dust ... the Single Lonely Hearts club is really dwindling!"

Antics aside, I've wanted to write this post for a while, but have resisted because it runs the risk of being another boring "these are my thoughts on marriage" post.

But thanks to Ol' Stopforth and his sage-like wisdom (offered while buying stale popcorn for the Tenacious D movie this morning), "It is your day ... everyone else can get stuffed!"

So, stuff you all ... I'm writing some thoughts on getting married!

Funny that, how many people have told Sam and I that it is the only day in our lives when we can be totally selfish ... it is our day. Wait, actually people typically say that to the bride-to-be. "Sweetie, this is your special day!" they say. The bloke seems to get left out of this (and largely by his fault as well - I've seen many blokes turn a blind eye to the preparations and events leading up to the wedding, thus rendering the wedding as her day!). Our story has been different. I've insisted on it being our day! Not as in I would like to walk down the aisle as well, but more along the lines of me seeing the day as a day for the two of us as a couple and one in which I would like to be a star as well :)

Various folk have also warned us of the impending family fall-out doom as the wedding day approaches. Well, we were fully aware of some of the family antics that may play out after Sam's sister's wedding, but what has blind-sided us is the sector from which our unique family fall-out has emerged! It has come from a space we least expected it from! It has done it's job in keeping us on our toes! Warning for those yet to get married: sleep with one eye open.

Sam and I have decided to buck the wedding tradition a little. Not a lot, but enough to make people raise their eyebrows in confusion when we tell them what we're planning. These quizzical looks have come from family, but by far they have emanated from our wedding suppliers. Case in point: we're not doing the whole throwing the bouquet and garter story. Why? Well, who the hell knows why we do it anyway? Really. Another case in point: we'd like both of Sam's folks to walk down the aisle, instead of just her dad. Being the old school folks they are, it took some explaining and convincing.

Another significant part of the wedding narrative is that of the bachelors party. Mine is tomorrow. Yes, I know when it is. Apparently, it is not socially acceptable for the groom to lay down some ground rules for the party. Oh no. Why would he want to do that? The party is not for him after all - I've seen that it is actually a party for all the married guys to take out revenge for all the horrendous stuff their best men did to them, in a "pay it forward" kind of fashion. So, for example my rules are: I'll drink at my own pace (or else throw-up and be miserable very early on in the evening - did I mention that I want to enjoy the party and remember it?) and that there'll be no ladies parading on my lap without clothes on. I do hope I'll be around to post again!

I've learned a lot about social networks through organising the wedding. While being almost stupidly obvious, there are those in our combined network who are closer to us than others. You see, receiving or not receiving a wedding invite lets you know where you stand in relation to the couple. In a sense, you learn whether you are in or you are out. It didn't take long for us to realise that we could not afford to have everyone at the reception party we'd like to have. So, simple solution - we send out two different invites: one set to those people we feel intimately close to and would like to have them at the church and at the party, and then those who are further away from the intimacy-centre and were only invited to the church. In a sense we wanted everyone to be in and witness the most important part of the day. Clearly, measuring by their response, some people find the reception party a more important event that the church ceremony and have thus felt out by not being invited to the piss-up.

Onto the sex ...

Of all my mates, I'm one of the late bloomers and am getting married after a large number of them have already been hitched, bought the house and had kids. It has taken me back to listen to the conversation that happens amongst these mates when the wives are not around. There are side comments about how the sex dries up once you're married - clearly intimating that the wife's sex drive becomes redundant. So, my first comment above is rooted in hearing these conversations. Sam has also noted this amongst her female friends. So, who is to blame, and how do we ensure that we keep a healthy, vigorous sex life going in our marriage? Um, not sure ... will have to let you know when that bridge is crossed. Or not.

There's a myth that circulates around the marriage bed: if a couple put a bean into a bottle for every time they have sex in their first year of marriage, and then take one out every time after the first year, the result is that the bottle will never empty.

I'm not sure if this is so because most couples get divorced before they get near the bottom; they end up forgetting the silly game; or that you have so much sex in the first year that you will never top the count? (I think I'm choosing to ignore the discourse around the sex dying up).

On the fun side, Sam and I have had a really great time dreaming of and planning our betrothal (as one of Sam's stiff-lipped clients referred to it). It has been a wonderful exploration of our values as individuals and how we see our very own special day panning out. Added in to the mix is the fact that we have spent the last 3 months living in our new house (and all the Christian folk sigh!). We've managed to get the new house vibe and living together stress out of the way before the wedding.

Here's to our day. Catch you in the New Year, post-Honeymoon.